Hi Julian! I’ve recently come across the term “fluid bonded” several times. What exactly does this term mean and can the definition of this term mean something different to different people, depending on their own opinion of it? I feel like this is a stupid question, but the stupidest questions are the ones that are never asked!

—Asking in Albuquerque

Dear Asking,

Fluid bonding in its most basic form means exchanging bodily fluids with another person. This usually does not include saliva (so necking doesn’t count), but it does include pretty much everything else. Fluid bonding can mean different things to different people, but generally it’s one or both of the following two things.

Most commonly, it refers to genital excretions, specifically in connection with not utilizing safer sex resources (i.e. condoms or other barrier methods) during intercourse. This type of bonding should not be taken lightly. Usually, you would only “fluid bond” with someone with whom you are mutually monogamous and only after you have both had full spectrum STD testing (via your medical insurance or via Public Health).

Fluid Bonding can also mean blood. Becoming “blood brothers” (mingling of blood externally, usually in some sort of ceremony) is a form of fluid bonding, as is accidentally picking up a bloody tissue when you have a fresh paper cut. It’s important to use safety precautions—gloves, for example—to prevent accidental fluid bonding.

For me, fluid bonding is a sacred thing that I limit only to long-term, regularly STD-tested partners with whom I have (or intend to have) a life bond. I have only “blood bonded” with two people, and they are both still an active part of my life, though in different capacities. Because of the greatly increased risk of disease, no form of fluid bonding should be done on the fly, and I consider it serious business.

Remember AiA, the only stupid question is the one I can’t decipher enough to answer!

. . .

I think im a sex addict but I dont have much sex, and I cant pick up women and if I do we screw and she leaves? Plus im broke so dating is out of the question, is casual sex appropriate and if so is it right?

—Anonymous

See. That’s a bit hard to decipher, but I will try.

First of all, Merriam-Webster defines addiction as “to devote or surrender (oneself) to something habitually or obsessively.” If you’re not having sex much, then you are probably not an addict. If, on the other hand, you feel that your compulsion to have sex is making it difficult to work or engage in healthy personal relationships, then please seek professional help. (Heck, here’s a link to Sex Addicts Anonymous to get you started.)

Secondly, why is dating out of the question if you’re broke? Burque offers a myriad of things to do that cost little to nothing. There are parks, excellent places to stroll and even free music venues. Seriously, if you can’t “go dutch” or just enjoy something that isn’t expensive, then you should look for a better quality of date.

Thirdly, casual sex is only appropriate if you are looking for casual sex. If you want to date someone and/or form a bond and/or commitment, that’s not a good way to go about it. Casual (safer) sex is right for many people, but you have to ask is it right for you.

What exactly are you looking for? Once you know that answer, you’ll be ready to go out and find it.

Enjoy yourself,
Julian

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Going from adventure to adventure, Julian’s alternative lifestyle experiences have led her from stage to classroom; performing, teaching and giving the occasional interview in New Mexico, Arizona, Colorado and California. For more intimate details, check out her website at www.julianwolf.net.

Fluid bonding, sex addiction, stupid questions