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More Than Medical Advice

Filed under: Carnal Conundrums, Julian Wolf — Tags: , , — Julian @ 4:46 am January 10, 2010


so i know i should probably consult a doctor either way but every now and then when my boyfriend fingers me, it takes a while for me to orgasm, and the only way i can is if he gets rough. i’ve experienced minor bleeding afterwards and was wondering if it was something i need to be worried about?


Dear Mic,

As you might have read in the Some Like It Rough edition of the column, rough sex can be a great thing enjoyed by many. Needing to get a bit rough isn’t directly indicative of a problem, but bleeding and lingering pain is.

That being said, my advice is two-fold. Firstly, go see your medical professional and be frank and honest about what’s going on. If she or he gives you crap, i.e., treats you with any disrespect, go get a new practitioner. If there are any medical concerns, make sure that you address them as recommended. If there aren’t, start trying new things and new styles of stimulation. For example, some who like it rough love Hitachi Magic Wands and other intense vibration toys. Once you’re cleared medically, I strongly recommend you go talk shop with Self Serve (located in Nob Hill); they know their toys and can make excellent recommendations.

So, please make an appointment for that medical check-up if you haven’t already, and if you have additional questions, please feel free to ask away.
Enjoy yourself,

Greetings Carnal Compatriots,

I’d like to take some extra time to discuss doctors, therapists, lawyers and other people in the service industry, particularly those who are in positions that require significant education and therefore have some level of authority. While such an education does deserve a hearty level of respect, keep something in mind as you go to your appointments: They work for you. That’s right, when you go to see your doctor, even if your insurance is covering most of the bill, you are seeing someone who is working for you. These professionals have a job because you, and others like you, are interested in being seen by them. Keep that in mind.

Whenever possible, you should interview your doctors, therapists, lawyers, technicians, etc. before you see them and ask some basic questions. Questions like—”Have you worked with people like me before?” (Fill this part in—for me, it would be, “Have you worked with kinky polyamorists before?” Your question might be, “Have you worked with single parents who have diabetes” or “bisexuals with body modifications” or even “sexually active seniors” or whatever the case may be. For those of us with alternative religious beliefs, that might also merit mentioning as well, particularly for things such as therapy. If they have not worked with people like you before, asking if they are willing to is in order. You can send any professional person to the National Coalition For Sexual Freedom website for details, particularly the Kink Aware Professional section. It is an excellent resource for consumers and professionals. If a medical practitioner, accountant or what-have-you has a problem with an aspect of you, such as enjoying rough sex, find another one. They don’t deserve your business and you deserve services provided by someone who will respect your decisions. That being said, your landscaper might not need to know you have a dungeon, but your housekeeper does. Your doctor needs to know if you’re sexually active and what type of person you’re sexually active with (different medical concerns); yet your accountant might just need to know that your financial planning is for a triad, not that you‘re also a swinger.

So, let me reiterate, you deserve respect and decency from your medical professionals as well as other people who are providing you a service; keep in mind that you are how they are getting paid. If they don’t like your particular proclivities and it seems that they will judge you and/or you will not receive a good level of care, find someone else to see. You do have options. Always stand up for yourself and don’t get pushed around just because you’re different than they are.  Most of these professions are required to keep your information confidential, so don’t be afraid to be honest, and let them know what you need.


Hey New Mexico:

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More Than Medical Advice

Always seeking out adventure, Julian's alternative lifestyle experiences have led her from stage to classroom; performing teaching and writing in New Mexico and across the United States. For more intimate details, check out her website at

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1 Comment »

  • Hey Julian thanks for pointing out to the kinfolk (kinkfolk?) that well-paid legal & medical etc professionals — authority figures –nonetheless work for *us* and can be replaced! That’s an empowerment that tales a while for many people to learn

    Comment by Wendikasha — June 17, 2010 @ 8:39 pm

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