Dear Mic,

As you might have read in the Some Like It Rough edition of the column, rough sex can be a great thing enjoyed by many. Needing to get a bit rough isn’t directly indicative of a problem, but bleeding and lingering pain is.

That being said, my advice is two-fold. Firstly, go see your medical professional and be frank and honest about what’s going on. If she or he gives you crap, i.e., treats you with any disrespect, go get a new practitioner. If there are any medical concerns, make sure that you address them as recommended. If there aren’t, start trying new things and new styles of stimulation. For example, some who like it rough love Hitachi Magic Wands and other intense vibration toys. Once you’re cleared medically, I strongly recommend you go talk shop with Self Serve (located in Nob Hill); they know their toys and can make excellent recommendations.

So, please make an appointment for that medical check-up if you haven’t already, and if you have additional questions, please feel free to ask away.
 
Enjoy yourself,
Julian

Greetings Carnal Compatriots,

I’d like to take some extra time to discuss doctors, therapists, lawyers and other people in the service industry, particularly those who are in positions that require significant education and therefore have some level of authority. While such an education does deserve a hearty level of respect, keep something in mind as you go to your appointments: They work for you. That’s right, when you go to see your doctor, even if your insurance is covering most of the bill, you are seeing someone who is working for you. These professionals have a job because you, and others like you, are interested in being seen by them. Keep that in mind.

Whenever possible, you should interview your doctors, therapists, lawyers, technicians, etc. before you see them and ask some basic questions. Questions like—”Have you worked with people like me before?” (Fill this part in—for me, it would be, “Have you worked with kinky polyamorists before?” Your question might be, “Have you worked with single parents who have diabetes” or “bisexuals with body modifications” or even “sexually active seniors” or whatever the case may be. For those of us with alternative religious beliefs, that might also merit mentioning as well, particularly for things such as therapy. If they have not worked with people like you before, asking if they are willing to is in order. You can send any professional person to the National Coalition For Sexual Freedom website for details, particularly the Kink Aware Professional section. It is an excellent resource for consumers and professionals. If a medical practitioner, accountant or what-have-you has a problem with an aspect of you, such as enjoying rough sex, find another one. They don’t deserve your business and you deserve services provided by someone who will respect your decisions. That being said, your landscaper might not need to know you have a dungeon, but your housekeeper does. Your doctor needs to know if you’re sexually active and what type of person you’re sexually active with (different medical concerns); yet your accountant might just need to know that your financial planning is for a triad, not that you‘re also a swinger.

So, let me reiterate, you deserve respect and decency from your medical professionals as well as other people who are providing you a service; keep in mind that you are how they are getting paid. If they don’t like your particular proclivities and it seems that they will judge you and/or you will not receive a good level of care, find someone else to see. You do have options. Always stand up for yourself and don’t get pushed around just because you’re different than they are.  Most of these professions are required to keep your information confidential, so don’t be afraid to be honest, and let them know what you need.

 

Hey New Mexico:

You can send in questions to Carnal Conundrums by responding here or emailing Julian directly via advice@julianwolf.net.

Curious about the alternative calendar? Have a question about your personal proclivities or what’s going on behind closed doors? Send in your questions and comments any time, twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week.

All you have to do is ask away!

Dear Joe,

You’d be surprised how frequently people have asked similar questions! There are a lot of people out there who are saving themselves for something special. I’m not aware of a group in town specifically for virgins, so let me suggest that you go looking for that someone special wherever you’re going to have something else in common with her as well. In my first draft of this column, I typed out several questions about what your interests might be, but that advice is going to be very similar to what I offered a previous person with a quandary and numerous people in real life. What I’m going to suggest is that you create a personal ad. Do so locally (that’s what Love Bird and Lust Bird are for—it sounds like you need Love Bird) and beyond that, start a group yourself.

You’re probably not the only the only one out there looking, and an ad and/or scheduling a meet-up at a local coffeehouse is likely going to do you a lot of good.

Good luck, and if you have more questions, just ask away.

Hi Julian,

hello there. i have a foot fetish and would like to know if there are any groups for this in the albuq. area. also would like advice on where to find women willing to receive foot massages. just like giving foot massages and rubbing them on my face. also if you may be interested in doing this with me. thanks.

hope to hear from ya soon.

Dear Foot Guy,

There are not any groups that I’m aware of that are specifically for foot fetish in Albuquerque. There are, however many kink groups who encourage such behavior. You can find links to several of them here at SaucySW, just to your right. I am also going to recommenced that you read the same advice that I gave to Joe above, though for you I recommend that you put your ad up on Lust Bird. 

Good Luck!

 

Hey New Mexico:

You can send in questions to Carnal Conundrums by responding here or emailing Julian directly via advice@julianwolf.net.

Curious about the alternative calendar? Have a question about your personal proclivities or  what’s going on behind closed doors? Send in your questions and comments any time, twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week.

All you have to do is ask away!